I have an inability to be at rest. This is not to say that I have a supreme work ethic and am always taking on new tasks. Simply put, being home-for-the-night before midnight on a Saturday is not something I'm okay with. I might even go so far as to say that being home before two on a Saturday night is not preferred. Sure, there is the chance that I could get out my homework and have at it, or I could even start reading one of the many books I've got lined up. But I refuse to do homework on a Saturday (night, especially), and starting a leisure book would only lead to disappointment as I'd have to put it aside during the weekdays in favor of my actual school reading.

I think artists who create a lot are depressed because they don't go out. And because they don't go out they have a lot of time to create. Perhaps in some way I'm relating this to my own lack of creation in the last month or two, although I am in no way calling myself a great artist (or even an artist, period).

All this ties together; I promise.

What I'm trying to say is that because I actually have friends, because I am usually never in my room for vast quantities of time (anymore), then I no longer have the time to sit around and become half-delirious with loneliness and create things- pictures. The only thing, actually, that I've done tons more of these days is journaling. I once told someone that if quantity were the judge of good literature, then I'd be a best seller. Indeed, that is the case. Sadly,though, my photography has been lacking, and I blame my social life and the fact that my camera, while never a very good camera, is now unreliably broken- in that it breaks every once in a while as it suits itself.

While journaling is by no means literature (or even something publishable) I do feel that it is a step in the write (I'm sorry, that's so corny) direction in accord with my major and can lead in the (hopefully near) future to my actually desiring to write real things, intentionally, that are technically well-done and well-received. Anyhow, this is what I've been thinking about in the dark corners of my mind for the past while. These are the types of thoughts that one thinks on almost a sub-conscious level and only realize they're there when one sits to write something.

It's easy to write a lot if you just start vomiting out your thoughts. Give it a try, sometime.

-the girl who feels awkward and slightly pathetic (perhaps for feeling awkward) being alone at night.